Fear in 2018

I’ll let you in a fun fact of Lynn Kim Do - New Years is my favorite holiday. In my opinion, It’s the one holiday that evokes change. It is one end to a chapter and a beginning of another. The whole world recognizes it. 2018 will arrive whether I want it to or not. It’s here. How did I welcome it? I mean, what kind of human do I want to be this new year? And so I realized…I am scared to death of 2018. So naturally, I asked myself—Why? Why am I so afraid? What am I afraid of?

Is it fear of failure? Hmm, a part of it is, yes, but that’s not entirely it. As much as I am scared to fail, I can’t help but to also feel the same way about success. What does both of those things have in common? What is the seed that causes this “fear”? Then I had an AHA moment It is the unknown factor. This is the first year in what seems like my life that I actually have no idea what it may look like, what to expect, what to envision. Everything feels and will be different, quite literally, too. And deep down inside, I can’t shake this sense of fear surrounded by excitement and anxiety. I’ve lived long enough to be able to compare many years. Right before 2018, I left a company I co-founded for two years, I signed a lease with the love of my life ending our border-over-long-distance-streak, and…I have yet to begin to remember the lines for my first professional play. (I really need to do that.) Yeah, so shit is gonna be different. If my life is contained in a metaphorical snow globe, then someone had just grabbed the globe from the bottom and shook it like an asshole. It’s going to be challenging. 2018 holds so much potential but it’s what you do with that potential that makes all the difference. So what now, scaredy cat? Errr, let me change the way I phrased that—What now, you bad bitch?

I guess, I must hustle. I’ve hustled every year since my very first breath but 2018 is the year of extreme dollar signs, Lynn Kim Do working harder than ever, laying a foundation for what I know I’m passionate about instead of working towards finding my passion. This is the year of SUCCESSES, of mountains and obstacles being climbed and crossed, and not settling. As I mentioned before, the mounting pressure of success IS SCARY. I’ve already put in the work to get here. Made all such sacrifices, took grand risks, left wasteful relationships by the sidelines, and practiced selective attachment. And god, I promise myself that I will never look back. 2018, I will hustle every moment of it.

Images by Laura Pulgarin